Here's a sampling of text messages, emails, and phone chats I've had over the last week, heralding the quirky and frustrating arrival of Mercury Retrograde in Gemini (May 18-June 11, 2015).

"My computer died. No, really. I took it into get fixed and it still DIED. Even though all the data has been replaced, it's all gibberish. I haven't slept in four days."

"My sister told me to email you and ask why one comment I innocently made to someone on Facebook has suddenly exploded. Now none of my friends are talking to me."

"My entire day was double booked. I want to fling myself from the top of a building."

And then the final icing on the cake:

"We're in a Mercury in Retrograde, aren't we?"

Yes. Yes, we are.

Perhaps not "They're here" as Carol Anne says in the above clip from Poltergeist (1982), but "IT's HERE!" - until June 11, 2015, after which there's a shadow period of about two weeks where the effects will get lighter, before going away entirely.

Go ahead and back up your computer, your phone, your email account. Go ahead. I'll wait. Don't talk to anyone on the way. You'll just say something wrong and there will be an awkward exchange, probably with an ex- lover/friend/boss/coworker. It feels like you're speaking one language and everyone else is speaking quite another. 

Back from protecting all of your electronic files? 

We're in Mercury in Retrograde. Yes, again. The planet of communication goes backwards three times every year and this REALLY is one of those times. It's hurricane time.

Mercury in Retrograde means a few things. It means that communication can take a nose dive, computers commit hari kari, phones inexplicably lose power. My own brand new phone seems to have a keyboard that changes with the tides. Person A says something to us about Person B and before we know it, an accidental comment has gone from a light breeze of misinformation into a cyclone-level prime grade mine field.

Welcome to Mercury in Retrograde! 

This particular Retro is in Gemini. That means it's sort of a double whammy because Gemini is in its natural home - it's ruled by Mercury in the first place. 

Here's the Mercury retrograde survival guide.

DON'T (if you can help it)

• sign any new contracts

• buy any new technological items, cars, or large appliances

• get married, buy a house, or do any other big thing that can't be taken back during this period

• gossip - I promise, the information will get right back to the person being talked about

NOTE: If you absolutely MUST do these things during a Mercury Retro, find out about all escape clauses, warranties, and other "get out of jail free" information. You'll need it. If you're the one signing a client or, say, selling ad space or selling contracts to customers, make sure your client truly understands what he or she is signing. Otherwise, don't be surprised if the client has second thoughts.

DO:

• learn about options but don't sign anything

• revisit information, read, re-learn

• revisit or connect with old relationships or friendships from the past (yes, that may include past life connections or memories coming forth during a retrograde).

• reorganize/shift/clean

• communicate face to face and be as clear as possible

• be careful about any online communication

• if you must travel, double check all travel documents from tickets to luggage tags. If driving, have your AAA card on hand, just in case!

The big positive of Mercury in Retro, however, is that we have a chance to slow down. A friend of mine made a joke - "Of course we have to slow down if our phones have exploded and we can't get online because of ##%%%@&^ RETRO!" 

Fair enough. 

But Retro has many gifts on offer to us - new insight from old patterns. Old relationships or friendships may return. And trips taken in a retro may be fraught with the unexpected....but what's life without a little adventure?

Til next time,

Marissa